This isn’t passive-aggressively meant toward anyone in particular
Since I was 13, I’ve been dealing with “knowing who my real friends are” every time I’ve become longterm sick (1-2x/yr for 15 years).
I have since come to the conclusion that “real friends” either live with me, used to live with me, or know me so thoroughly as to not ask if I’m “feeling any better yet” but keep talking to me as though it doesn’t matter if we see each other 1x/week or 1x/3 years.
No, I can’t come out and play tonight. That doesn’t mean you should stop asking. If you stopped being able to hear, would you want people to stop communicating with you? Of course not. Just do it in other ways. And if you don’t care to, then our relationship obviously wasn’t reciprocal in the first place. So the next time you see me, don’t be surprised if I give you a cold shoulder and play down your entreaties of friendship and activities — you didn’t contact me once while I was out of your sight, and now you want a piece of my limited ability?
Go fuck yourself, friend; it’s clearly you who is disabled — in the heart.
“Looking forward to being attacked”
Matt and I are not agreeing on this topic. Intellectually, I know the arguments: I can’t let my past dictate my life; the odds of someone assaulting again on campus in broad day light are now slim; odds of being assaulted are slim; it can happen anywhere, so am I going to be afraid to go by myself everywhere (again)? Matt initially said all the wrong things, which has made me even more defensive: oh, it was probably someone she knew (wrong), a fellow student followed her in there (wrong), it was probably in a bathroom at the far end of campus (right — except it’s right across from my classroom, which makes me feel worse).
I am freaked out. The building it happened in is relatively new (two years old) and this semester is my first time with a class in it. I was surprised at its location — it’s got Georgia Ave to the west, Burlington Ave to the north, King St to the south, and to the east is a parking lot and then the metro tracks. You don’t need an ID card to access the building (or any of the buildings on campus), so it’s very easy for anybody to just walk in there… which is clearly going on. Walking around on that campus after dark creeps me out more than walking around the city at 4am — it’s worse lit, and at times, seemingly more deserted. Apparently, it’s even dangerous to use the bathrooms in the middle of the afternoon. That’s not something their wimpy “blue light system” is going to cover. Arrugh. I’m angry and I feel really uncomfortable with the thought of being there, now.
