Cassandra Disque | June 26, 2002
God damn god damn. Pap smear results from last week came back. When they came back six months ago, some cells were missing and abnormal, so we decided to repeat in six months. This time around the cells are way off, very abnormal. If it is the same again in six months, I have to [...]
Cassandra Disque | June 18, 2002
Saw my shrink this morning. My anti-psychotic (Risperdal) and my mood stabilizer (Topamax) dosages are being raised. I am a big crying dummy and have to go back in one week instead of two ‘unless I will consider checking myself into a hospital’. No. This was also recommended to me yesterday at my therapist’s office. [...]
Cassandra Disque | June 15, 2002
Couldn’t sleep, up watching A&E’s ‘Live By Request’ with David Bowie, and I am creaming myself with delight that Aaron and I have tickets to Area2 with Bowie in July. Anyway, I am completely jizzing myself because Bowie’s live act sounds tighter than it has in years, and I am totally grooving to it. The [...]
Cassandra Disque | June 15, 2002
My insomnia is getting worse. I have a prescription of Sonata, but it is not working because I am not letting it. I get in bed, exhausted, knowing I need to sleep but my mind is still too active. I pop my pill and pick up my book. An hour later I have finished my [...]
Cassandra Disque | June 13, 2002
I kind of have a history of running away. Scared of myself and other people, particularly in DC? Move to Europe. Europe did not work for various reasons, move to Pittsburgh and miss Europe horribly. Pittsburgh not working out? Attempt to head back to Europe. Europe did not work again, nor DC? Back to Pittsburgh [...]
Since 1996, my life has been a long journey of visiting one doctor after another. I look more or less fine, but I'm not. My daily pill count is like playing the dozens with a hospice patient. One doctor will say I'm doomed, and send me to another for treatment, but the treating doctor will find nothing within his or her area of practice that can be treated.
My life is better than a comedy, better than a drama. Anyone who has done this knows what I mean when I say that you have to not only know the rules, but also play the part in order to be allowed in the game. Most people find what we go through in the medical merry-go-round to be unbelievable, which is why I call it "The Drag of Gimp."
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