Cassandra Disque | November 29, 2005
My psychiatrist just started me on Geodon today. It’s an anti-psychotic for schizophrenia but was approved by the FDA (versus just off-label use) for bipolar mixed and manic episodes. Bipolar mixed episodes?! I wouldn’t know shit about that, right? says my over-charged bank account, my over-sexed genitals, my under-fed stomach, my racing mind, my recent [...]
Cassandra Disque | November 27, 2005
There’s two different queries made, from two different sides: “why me” and “why you”. Neither answer is satisfying. If we have to ask (are they rhetorical questions or are we really looking for answers?) then maybe we shouldn’t be asking. All these years it’s been the same sad game: “who’s that girl, and where is [...]
Cassandra Disque | November 26, 2005
I don’t know if it’s the bipolar that maybe doesn’t exist, or the anxiety, or the boredom, or the desperate horniness, or the sheer desire to be doing anything that involves not being in the apartment with Dr Maude, but goddammn has my decision making been poor lately. Flew out to Denver right after ending [...]
Cassandra Disque | November 26, 2005
I’ve got four more days to try and behave myself. It’s harder than it sounds. Saturday night, and I’m at home with my radio in an attempt to encourage good behavior. Granted, I’m worn out and sore, but that hasn’t stopped me from counting pennies this past week in order to get my ass out [...]
Cassandra Disque | November 21, 2005
Bar hopping with “fuckup contest friends” after consuming very little food. In the cold. When I promised my roommate I wouldn’t come home that night so as not to disturb his sleep. Getting dumped at bar #1 by someone I didn’t even know I had been seeing. I don’t know how this works, either, but [...]
Since 1996, my life has been a long journey of visiting one doctor after another. I look more or less fine, but I'm not. My daily pill count is like playing the dozens with a hospice patient. One doctor will say I'm doomed, and send me to another for treatment, but the treating doctor will find nothing within his or her area of practice that can be treated.
My life is better than a comedy, better than a drama. Anyone who has done this knows what I mean when I say that you have to not only know the rules, but also play the part in order to be allowed in the game. Most people find what we go through in the medical merry-go-round to be unbelievable, which is why I call it "The Drag of Gimp."
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