Cassandra Disque | May 30, 2006
I check into Johns Hopkins on June 21, a Wednesday. I get out the following night. A few days after, the pseudo-sprog arrives. Then we will be leaving on a jet plane and not coming back. Somewhere in there, I turn 25 on June 27. This was supposed to be the year that was going [...]
Cassandra Disque | May 29, 2006
My SAT test is scheduled for this Saturday morning. I was thinking I wasn’t going to go, and was going to fork over the $25 to reschedule it for the fall. Reason being, I’m off my meds and a bit wacky: emotional wreck, low attention span, low pain threshold (sitting for four hours and writing [...]
Cassandra Disque | May 29, 2006
Despite everything, I can’t shake this sadness. The past few weeks (medication withdrawal, most likely——-okay, 99% yes, maybe…who knows?) I’m just unhappy with everyone and everything in my life. I want out. Nothing here seems important anymore. I’m sick of feeling let down, and sick of hollow friendships. Why am I bothering with any of [...]
Cassandra Disque | May 23, 2006
I’m getting really damn sick of withdrawing from my medication and all the emotional and physical symptoms it entails. I’m fed up with feeling itchy, anxious, annoyed, bored, and pointless. I’m tired of waiting. I’m disgusted by what my body has done with itself over the past month… oh, and disgusted by my own lack [...]
Cassandra Disque | May 11, 2006
Med withdrawal kicked in full blast while brunching at Savory Cafe today. Reading the Takoma Voice (hippie neighborhood newspaper), I found myself fighting back tears over every other article — topics include neighborhood park clean-ups, dog walks, volunteer weed killing initiatives for public spaces, free talks on peak oil, free talks on the history of [...]
Since 1996, my life has been a long journey of visiting one doctor after another. I look more or less fine, but I'm not. My daily pill count is like playing the dozens with a hospice patient. One doctor will say I'm doomed, and send me to another for treatment, but the treating doctor will find nothing within his or her area of practice that can be treated.
My life is better than a comedy, better than a drama. Anyone who has done this knows what I mean when I say that you have to not only know the rules, but also play the part in order to be allowed in the game. Most people find what we go through in the medical merry-go-round to be unbelievable, which is why I call it "The Drag of Gimp."
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