Cassandra Disque | September 27, 2006
People talk about comfort zones. Poverty can be a comfort zone; a harsh and lonely one, but a zone where one feels at home, all the same. Poverty is like a cardboard box turned upside down over its inhabitant and his or her environment. The person can move around, but poverty goes with her, always [...]
Cassandra Disque | September 26, 2006
Most people talk about how they’re so concerned about making a DIFFERENCE, making an IMPACT, even if it’s just on ONE person, they want to MATTER. What they’re really talking about is they want to be important. Reassured that they have a place in the world, that they are special, that their existence is meaningful [...]
Cassandra Disque | September 25, 2006
Here’s a fucked up thing I suspected but had confirmed for me today: People who have been determined to be permanently disabled by the government are not eligible for government loans (Stafford) for school, or student loans directly from the school or other institutions. I OFFICIALLY QUIT.
Cassandra Disque | September 25, 2006
For some reason, upon getting out of the shower today it occurred to me that it’s been a really long time since I’ve gone more than a month without sex. I can pick a few spots in the time line (this April, September-October of 2005) where there are three week gaps of no getting it [...]
Cassandra Disque | September 23, 2006
Autumn rapid cycling mania and depression, like most years. Insomnia with narcolepsy. Visual hallucinations started again this week. Finally convinced myself to stop debating it and call the doctor. 3am, Wednesday morning, phoned my psychiatrist’s office to please up Tuesday’s appointment to as soon as possible, because I was having a really hard time. Didn’t [...]
Since 1996, my life has been a long journey of visiting one doctor after another. I look more or less fine, but I'm not. My daily pill count is like playing the dozens with a hospice patient. One doctor will say I'm doomed, and send me to another for treatment, but the treating doctor will find nothing within his or her area of practice that can be treated.
My life is better than a comedy, better than a drama. Anyone who has done this knows what I mean when I say that you have to not only know the rules, but also play the part in order to be allowed in the game. Most people find what we go through in the medical merry-go-round to be unbelievable, which is why I call it "The Drag of Gimp."
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